under the weather

I’m not feeling well today. I started feeling off yesterday when I woke up with a strange sensation in my throat. I still went to the gym last night, but I almost tripped on the treadmill. Now I just feel really tired and heavy, and all I want to do is lie down. I would’ve taken a sick leave, but I’ve been waiting for the booking details from Germany. Hays.

The Art of Not Freezing Up

Yesterday, I kinda got scolded by my boss, LOL. I don’t know what it is, but every time he talks to me, I just freeze up. Words literally refuse to come out of my mouth. Honestly, I think he probably sees me as a bit dumb or something because I always end up mumbling. I get so self-conscious about what I say definitely not a good look for me, right? 😅

Anyway, what happened yesterday was about the unbooked hotel in Germany for the upcoming IGMH visit. First of all, I had no idea what kind of arrangement they had with the company in Germany or how this trip was planned. He wanted me to follow up on it with the Dubai office, which I did I asked Gladys about it and clearly told her my boss wanted an update on the unbooked days. I even worded my email carefully because I’ve learned from experience that when I just say things as told, it sometimes backfires and makes it look like it was my own idea. LOL.

So, the update came, and yeah, the last two days weren’t booked. Apparently, the company in Germany thought they were only supposed to handle part of the visit, not the whole trip. Meanwhile, my boss expected otherwise. Classic mix-up.

And honestly, I realized everyone around me is just playing safe. I didn’t mention the concern too directly in the email when Gladys asked me to send it, even though I’d already told her what my boss wanted to know. On the other hand, Gladys didn’t really ask Mr. Müller directly either or maybe she did, but he didn’t clarify things with the main office in Germany. 😂 And my boss too he could’ve just emailed Mr. Müller himself in the first place, but instead he waited for me to do it, and I obviously can’t control how fast people respond.

Anyway, when he found out about the hotel issue, he asked me about the departure date for the visit. I thought he meant the departure from the Maldives, but apparently, he was asking about the one from Germany. LOL. I couldn’t remember, so I said I forgot and that’s when he got really pissed. I don’t even remember what he said, but he was clearly frustrated.

So I just grabbed my laptop, checked the dates, and I think that’s when he realized he went a bit overboard. His tone changed suddenly he was calm again, talking like a normal, civil person. At that moment, I felt this weird warmth at the back of my head, like I just shrunk in my seat. I honestly felt so small. I know I should’ve remembered the details, but sometimes facing him is just… a whole struggle. LOL.

Stepping Back

I saw Mike at the gym. Normally, I would’ve gone up to him and said hi, the usual thing I do since we’ve been such good friends. But this time, I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t want any close contact or even a casual conversation. To be honest, I’m not really mad at him, and I don’t even resent him that much. It’s just that I don’t feel like acting the way I usually would. Maybe it’s because of something I’ve realized about our friendship lately, I feel like I’ve been taken for granted, and that’s made me step back a little and question how much effort I want to put in. I mean, our friendship isn’t really that

complicated. We’ve always been lowkey, low-maintenance friends. we don’t need to talk all the time to be honest. But over the past few weeks, I’ve realized some things that made me feel a bit taken for granted, and that’s really all. I don’t blame him, and I can’t blame myself either. It’s just something I’ve noticed, and it’s made me step back a little.

Saturday

Today was okay a pretty chill Saturday. Even though I had to go to work, I didn’t really do much in the office. I got some stuff done, kind of, but it still felt relaxed. Maybe because our bosses weren’t around, the vibe in the office was just light and easy.

I read a few pages of the book I’m currently reading. I’m just trying to finish it little by little.

Canva

If I could work alone, I’d definitely do it. People expect me to produce perfect results when I’m literally just using Canva and honestly, what I made was decent. The content and message were there. I don’t know what more they want from me, but it’s beyond what I can do right now, and it’s really getting to me.

I just don’t want to work with people I don’t like. Our on-call graphic designer really pissed me off, I still feel upset whenever I remember what he did. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t work with him at all.

Obsession

Seriously, why are people so obsessed with my face and skin texture? You’re getting under my skin again. Why can’t people just be a little more sensitive? It feels like most of the people around me are just so clueless sometimes.  

Addy is always so involved and constantly giving unsolicited opinions. He always talks like he’s better than everyone else. I’ve never said anything offensive to him, yet he always manages to ruin my day. If I could avoid him, I absolutely would.

How Selfish

Honestly, I’m beyond frustrated at this point. I’ve been trying to stay calm and professional, but dealing with this colleague who somehow manages to make everything ten times more complicated than it needs to be has really pushed me to my limit. What’s even more infuriating is that this entire issue wasn’t even supposed to be my responsibility in the first place. I only got pulled into it because I’m the one directly communicating with the client, and naturally, I want to make sure things go as smoothly and professionally as possible.

The thing is, I already understand how the sponsorship process works. He actually explained it to me the other day but why only now? That should’ve been discussed way earlier. We’re talking weeks ago. I even sent an email weeks back to get clarity on the sponsorship, trying to be proactive, and not once did he bother to mention that I needed to prepare a specific letter for documentation. Instead, he only brings it up now at the last minute when it’s already too late to do anything about it. Like seriously, how is that even fair?

And you know what makes it worse? I’m the one facing the client. I’m supposed to represent the company for future transaction, but how can I do that when I'm kept out of the loop? I don’t want the client to feel like we’re being dismissive or disorganized, because that's not how I work. But how do I face them properly when I myself wasn’t even given the right information on time?

Amila, God, he just gets under my skin. The way he acts, it’s like he couldn’t care less about helping or supporting anyone outside of his immediate tasks. It comes off as so selfish. I get that he doesn’t want to be too involved in anything that touches finances, and I respect that boundary, but come on would it kill him to communicate? To give me a quick heads-up? To say, "Hey, you’ll need to do this and that" while there’s still time to actually act on it?

He had the details way before I did. He knew what was needed. And let’s be real here printing a letter, getting it signed, and placing it on someone’s desk for approval is literally part of his job as someone in the accounting department. That’s not a favor, that’s just basic responsibility. But instead, he lets things sit until the last minute and somehow expects others me to scramble and pick up the slack. I don’t mind doing it but at least remind me to do it, not waiting for you to initiate.

It’s not just about this one thing it’s the pattern. The constant lack of initiative, the unwillingness to help unless it directly affects him, the poor communication... it's exhausting. I’m doing my best to be a team player, but it’s really hard to feel like a team when the support isn’t mutual. I don’t mind stepping up when it’s needed, but I absolutely mind being set up to fail when this all could have been avoided with the smallest bit of effort from his end.

more days please

Kinda gloomy since yesterday—my boss just got back from vacation, and I’m feeling so down. Hahaha. I don’t know why, but his vibe just makes me so stressed and sad. LOL, my cortisol levels are shaking to their core! 

Really?

I don’t appreciate it when the guy in front of me waves to get my attention just to point out something I need to do—especially when it’s not even my responsibility in the first place. I find it offensive, as if he’s assuming I’m not paying attention to my surroundings, when in fact, I am. I’m just waiting for him to ask me directly instead of assuming that I’m responsible for a task that isn’t mine to begin with. Heshan is really getting on my nerves. He’s done this so many times already, and it’s really starting to piss me off.

you asked me?

Why does my boss keep delegating tasks to me when they could handle them right away themselves? In the end, they still make a call to confirm the task anyway. It feels like unnecessary delegation.

I'm offended

I'm laughing so hard, but I'm also feeling offended. My boss asked me to update the company profile, and after putting in so much effort, they still want revisions. Next time, please don't ask me to do it. I should spend my time studying instead of finishing this company profile.

Office Rant

It's frustrating when people don't respond to messages, especially when they're asked something. It comes across as rude.

World Peace

The ongoing conflict in Israel and Palestine makes me reflect on how our world has come to this point. Coexistence is challenging, and I recognize the complexity of this historical conflict.

It's heartbreaking that so many lives are affected by this conflict. People are suffering in Gaza, and there are casualties in Israel. It's difficult to comprehend why this is happening.

Witnessing the resilience of children in Gaza and the loss of life in Israel is sobering. My fervent wish is for world peace, a cliché perhaps, but a powerful aspiration. I hope for a resolution similar to that seen in the situation between Ukraine and Russia.

I sincerely hope for a swift end to this conflict, with no more lives lost. Our world is meant for happiness, and this war is taking a toll on our planet. The long-lasting effects of hatred, trauma, and a cycle of revenge are concerning for future generations.

Complexity of love

You know, love is just one of those things that can be so incredibly complicated, don't you think? I mean, that's just my perspective based on my own experiences and what I've seen in the people around me. It always strikes me how fortunate those folks are who actually find their true love. It's like a mix of bravery, a stroke of luck, and this feeling that it's somehow meant to be for them. I've often wondered what it's like to be in love and to have someone love you back because, honestly, I'm not entirely sure I've truly felt it myself.

You know, people have this habit of asking me why I haven't found someone, and it honestly gets on my nerves. Even if it's meant as a joke, it makes me wonder why folks feel the need to question my life or anyone’s life like they've got it all figured out or know my preferences.

The thing is, I have my own reasons, and even if they might seem a bit superficial to some, but we all have our own unique stories and journeys that lead us to the reasoning we hold, right? I've got this feeling that being in a relationship is a significant responsibility, one that I might not be emotionally or financially prepared for just yet. The real question is; how long will I continue to feel like this?

I've got this friend, and she has this habit of getting into relationships with people who are either emotionally unstable or already committed to someone else. Now, it might sound morally questionable to be involved with someone who's married, but can we really pass judgment? It's a tricky situation, I must say. She's my friend, and I do understand her circumstances, though I also make it clear that I don't approve of her choices and It's quite a complicated dynamic, isn't it?

I've been thinking about our conversation earlier, and it seems like she's experiencing a touch of jealousy when it comes to this guy's real family. Even though she might not be all that serious about him, it's clear she's already developed an emotional attachment. All I can really do is be there for her, cheer her up, and made her realized the consequences LOL

I'm exhausted

I'm feeling incredibly stressed at the moment. I'm facing a challenging situation at IGMH, and there's this issue with false high potassium readings in the lab that has been causing a lot of commotion.

I'm on the brink of feeling overwhelmed. While I'd prefer not to be in constant motion, I have no choice. On top of that, I still need to study for the NCLEX, but I find myself procrastinating more than I should. I just wish I could take a long break from work. Although I do have moments of relaxation, my time keeps getting eaten up by various other things.

Then there's this person at IGMH who I feel is constantly causing problems regarding our product. I must admit, I strongly dislike her, even though I understand that she's just doing her job. What's really bothering me is her unrelenting focus on blaming our product. She's been making me feel agitated and exasperated. she's so wicked actually.

I'm eagerly anticipating the end of this situation. It's doubly frustrating because I also need to request leave at the end of November, and that's precisely when my US embassy interview is scheduled. Balancing both commitments and planning my holiday has become quite a challenge, and it's making me a bit stressed.

I can't emphasize enough how tough things have gotten. The lack of sleep is really getting to me, and it's as if my energy is just drained. It's like I'm stuck in this never-ending loop of studying, but I can't see much progress. This is actually my second go at it, and I'm crossing my fingers it's the last one. I'm just so worn out, both physically and mentally. The exhaustion is real, and it's taking a toll on my emotions too.

core

 my heart is so fragile

I can grasp my own core 

and keep it within me 

Stranger

I'm still feeling stranger to this island

part of me is still searching for the whole entity  

Rain

I’m inside my shell waiting for the rain to stop

A new day comes and life will go on